Batted .287 (50-174) with 10 doubles and 14 RBI after the All-Star break....
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By Bill Simmons Page 2Editor's note: This article appears in the May 22 issue of ESPN The Magazine. She doesn't know (or care) that Hench and I were favored to win this season, or that we're currently floundering in fifth place with a cast of underachievers. Rocco Baldelli, an $8 flier who was recovering from knee surgery when we drafted him last year. She examines every picture, reads every story and mutters stuff like, "My God, she's too skinny! " If I've begun to thumb through the mail on the day the magazine arrives, she walks over and rips it out of my hands. Here's how it works: 10 teams, auction format, $200 cap, five male and five female celebs per roster. I want her swearing at Mariah Carey like I swear at Rocco Baldelli.
I need to win my AL-only fantasy league this season. When she hears me discussing trades with my co-owner, Hench, or sees me silently swearing in front of my laptop because Torii Hunter took another 0-for-4, it makes her angry. We were looking ahead to 2006, when he'd go for $22 to $25. I've already spent 100-plus hours managing my team: talking trades, researching free agents, bitching to Hench, monitoring our guys through Direc TV's baseball package, even calculating how much it would cost to murder Baldelli. Berry and his friends bid on any film that is scheduled to be released over the course of a year, their stats coming in categories like most weeks spent in the top-five grosses, total box office and Oscar nominations. Scoring is head-to-head for 22 weeks, playoffs over the last three (so you can have two seasons per year). Like maybe you want to dump Jake Gyllenhaal (because the whole "Brokeback" thing has played out) and grab Josh Hartnett (because he's dating Scarlett Johansson). I want her to sneak out of bed to change her lineup at 2 on Monday morning, or complain about her team on Friday when the magazine arrives.
I could go on and on, but as ESPN Radio's Erik Kuselias says, talking about your fantasy team is like showing off vacation photos. I'd join more, but no other sport appeals to me; not NHL, NASCAR, golf, tennis or even bass fishing. Why aren't, say, Hollywood-related leagues more prevalent? Then, maybe I'll understand."Now that sounded like a challenge. So I racked my brain, contemplating all the dopey things she likes. But when, out of nowhere, she lands in a love triangle with Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear, she suddenly becomes Chris Shelton or Jonny Gomes, a bona fide sleeper! When I described the concept to the Sports Gal, she was confused, then intrigued, then enthralled. Bill Simmons is a columnist for Page 2 and ESPN The Magazine.
In the end, people really don't care; they just want to know if you had a good time. It makes me wonder why we aren't more creative with this stuff. On the downside, I could easily see someone overpaying for Nicole Richie, thinking she might start to date Diddy or seek help for an eating disorder, and when she doesn't, you're playing catch-up for five months. His new book "Now I Can Die In Peace is available on and in bookstores everywhere.
But with the diverse array of options for fantasy leagues, it’s vital that you understand how your league is set up as it will have a huge impact on the value of potential draft picks. 2) Don’t gamble in the early rounds It’s an old adage in fantasy football that you rarely win your league with your first three picks, but you can easily lose your league in these early rounds.
In a PPR league, a pass-catching RB like Matt Forte jumps ahead of numerous RB alternatives due to the enormous number of passes he hauls in each season.
Was part of a 15-game on-base streak from July 3-July 22....